Without realizing, it’s super easy to take on the thoughts, outlooks and routine patterns of those around us, especially as a child. Words and explanations that we use as grown-ups have profound effects on how a child perceives the world.
While I’ve been on a journey of self discovery for a few years it wasn’t until Reiki that I truly dove deep, all in, to what was going on internally. Habits, beliefs and outlooks that I had picked up along the way from experiences, judgments and other people around me. To be clear, my intention is not to paint a canvas of negativity and trauma that was buried because it wasn’t quite like that. I was functioning, I was “happy”, I was thriving in many ways but, as we all do, there were “things” that I hadn’t faced or worked through. Many of those “things” weren’t even things until I started unravelling my feelings and emotions. The journey has been an amazing process of discovery and unfolding. It’s helped me to begin clarifying what I want to do in this lifetime, why I’m here and who I want to show up as.
I grew up believing that hard work, white knuckling through situations and pushing hard, even when my mind and body were exhausted, was how you functioned through life…how you “made it”. It reflected success. Making it, increased your odds of having enough money to pay your bills. I was under the impression sleeping was overrated and a waste of time. “You can sleep when you die” was a common phrase in my world.
And, as early as high school I remember being the person people relied on. Relied on to talk when they needed it, for advice, for money, relied on for guidance, for stability, strength and to take the bulls by the horn. The responsible one that didn’t waiver. The strong one.
If I’m being honest, pushing through, “winning”, and being the person that other people relied on fed my ego in BIG ways. I felt needed and I encouraged more of it. My ego and confidence thrived, even though, without my awareness, it drained my energy and allowed me to put myself, my feelings and needs last. It took an act of emotional trauma for me to speak up when I needed support.
Unaware at the time, discovering Reiki was my saving grace. It’s helped me to practice being still, to lean in to see what I had buried nice and deep. To lean in to thoughts and beliefs, calling them out into the spotlight so I could stand in my own truth. Reiki helped me begin to shed layers of fear, judgment and hurt. It’s helped me to go within and experience peace, stillness and who I am when the chaos and chatter is gone. For me, it hasn’t been something I “overcome” and accomplish, it’s a constant practice. We are here to learn and grow internally. To do that, the experiences(good and bad, easy and hard, happy and sad) and challenges have to continue to keep coming. If we’re paying attention it can give us clarity on what we want and don’t want.
I’ve now discovered how well sleep makes me feel and how it gives my body a chance to rest and recharge. Again, standing in truth, that doesn’t always happen with small children, which is my world right now, but by saying “NO” to all the things I could do once they go to bed helps me get more rest than I used to. I’m discovering how much better I show up when I take care of myself, releasing the judgment that it’s selfish. I’m discovering how to lean in to my emotions and trust what they are showing me. I’m learning(and practicing) to trust myself without judgment and remembering that what other people think of me, my beliefs and my life is none of my business. That’s their own story they’re reflecting on to me.
There are no words to fully explain how much Reiki has influenced me, my life and my future. And, just as a rock thrown into a pond leaves ripples, I believe Reiki is rippling throughout my life, the people I interact with, my family and the opportunities that await. I am immensely grateful for the re-discovery of Reiki. I’m so very grateful for those beautiful souls that have supported me even when there was no clarity. I’m thankful for those that took my hand and walked beside me but also called me out on the carpet when I needed it. You know who you are and I am forever grateful for noticing when I needed the light.
Your stuff, is your stuff. We all have shit to release. It’s part of functioning on Mother Earth. It’s part of the experience. The important part is what we do with it. . .hold it, bury it OR expose it and release it?
Find your jam. Everyone’s going to have certain vehicles that work better for them than for someone else. For me, it was Reiki. Part of self discovery is learning what clicks for you, what connects to your core. As long as your energy is receiving attention, there is no wrong answer here.
Write your own life book with your own words, views and uniqueness because that’s enough. You’re enough.